Deal with the Fear that ‘History may Repeat Itself’
Edisa was previously married to Timosewo, Malaika’s father. But their marriage hit the rocks after Timosewo developed a habit of over-drinking and abusing Edisa sometimes so badly that she would be hospitalised. Tired of Timosewo’s tortures, Edisa had filed for a divorce hoping to make her relationship with Timosewo ‘history’. But although they were not living under the same roof thereafter, the man had never exited Edisa’s mind. The more she reminisced about Timosewo’s mistreatments, the bitterer she would become; which propelled her to repeatedly warn Malaika to watch out for men bent on committing atrocities to the female race. Unfortunately though, these seemingly ‘wise’ warnings had done more harm than good; for Malaika was relentlessly quick to point out her suspicions to any man who would dare attempt to date her. Needless to say, her utterances drove potential ‘would-be husbands’ away. As we speak, Malaika is forty-seven; still single; and, with no prospective fiancé in sight.
Edisa made a grave mistake. Instead of allowing her negativity against men to bias Malaika, Edisa should have swatted the fear that her daughter’s life would be a reincarnation of that of her mother’s, thereby confessing a positive future for the girl. Do you also have reservations regarding forgiving an offender; worried that the person could repeat the same offence; and the inherent risk involved in case that was to happen? If you were abused, for example, this concern is understandable; for going near the offender could compromise your security. But forgiving someone does not necessarily mean exposing yourself to physical danger or giving room for you to become an offender’s live target. Forgiveness is an issue of the heart.
Therefore, learn to be constructive and objective when warning someone not to tumble into the same pits you fell in, as your perceptions and subsequent utterances could brand that person’s future. In addition, do not condemn yourself to a life of constant fear that history is just about to repeat itself. Why work yourself into a frenzy even before the offence is ever repeated? Is that not boxing shadows? Refrain from becoming your own ‘prophet of doom’. Such a tendency is likely to set you up as an unforgiver well before the offence is ever repeated!