Avoid ‘Non-Forgiving’ Company
Seranda had a compassionate heart that would be ready to forgive easily in several incidents. But her greatest challenge was that she hardly had ‘a stand’ of her own. Her high affinity for friends did not help either; for she maintained a sizeable cluster of friends whose values regarding forgiving offenders were the exact opposite of what she believed in. Sadly, these so-called close friends only served as a catalyst for her unforgiveness. Some would go as far as composing punishments for her offenders on her behalf; spicing their views with reminders of how terrible an offence had been. It was common for them to persistently remind her of how they had gone through similar experiences and conclude by conjuring up reasons to justify why her (Seranda’s) offenders did not deserve to ever be forgiven. Undoubtedly, such friends only led to working Seranda up instead of giving her the peace that her friends were supposed to help her find.
Therefore, mind your company lest it corrupts your well-meaning intentions. Once you commit to forgiving someone, never allow your peers to pull you in the opposite direction. Do not entertain their views otherwise forgiving people will become next to impossible. If you have such friends, know that they are actually making the shackles that bind you tighter, and increasing the heavy burden that you are already carrying. I would probably understand if those friends were ready to sacrificially carry your spiritual, mental and physical burdens for you, while you walk scout-free. But unfortunately, whereas they persistently entice you not to forgive the offender, it is you that continues to suffer the heavy penalties of unforgiveness. When you are hurting, friends that are bitter and frustrated are the last thing you need. Definitely, it makes sense for you to revise your set of friends by choosing them more wisely.
A word of caution here! The tendency to bottle up your pain can breed unforgiveness, so when hurting, you may need to open up to someone. This is where good friends come in. If your problem is unforgiveness, you need a friend who will help you extinguish those negative emotions rather than flaring them up; one who will be able to listen and give you wise counsel. You need a friend who will understand how you feel; one who is discreet and not judgemental. Such friends may not be easy to come by. Therefore, do not rush to open up to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Resist the urge to disclose your issues to people before you check whether they have a stake in your life. Many of our so-called ‘friends’ end up gossiping about us behind our backs and jubilating that at long last, we have ‘boarded the ship’ of those with problems. So, be warned!