Know What to Fuss About and What to Ignore
Lesedi had the problem of not isolating which offences she should give attention to, and which ones to ignore. She recalls how her daughters sacrificially reserved the last portion of their most favourite ice cream for their dad, Yoweri, before they left for boarding school. But since Yoweri was not an ice cream fan, it took him several weeks before he could remember that there was some ice cream in the freezer, a memoir from his girls. The day he asked for it was when Lesedi noticed that the ice cream had gone missing. After quizzing her housemaid Ziada, she (Ziada) admitted to having eaten it. Lesedi was so irritated, as she could not understand how Ziada could help herself to the last portion of that ice cream without even asking first. The same housemaid had eaten some left-overs and claimed having given them to the dog. During the months that followed, Lesedi kept scolding Ziada again and again for her lack of self-control, until the maid got tired and left. But Ziada’s saga was not an isolated occurrence, for Lesedi had ever ruined a potentially romantic evening by continuously whining about someone who refused to give her way during a heavy traffic jam. Yoweri had not taken this kindly since he had just returned from a long overseas trip and was looking forward to a cosy, peaceful homely atmosphere. Clearly, Ziada had a problem.
Focussing on offences committed by people who hardly have a stake in your life can be time-wasting; for not only is your anger a non-issue to those offenders, but they may never even notice that you are upset. Know that some people are immune to your sulking, and that whether you are upset or not, their day proceeds ‘as usual’. Therefore, learn to assess how close your relationship with a particular offender is; and identify which offences require your attention, and which ones are better ignored.