01.05.18 The 16th Practice for Immunising Your Heart from Bitterness and Unforgiveness : Be Empathic
Be Empathic
Lusi used to change housemaids very frequently. Some she sacked but most would either pack their bags and disappear, or simply not show up after a short holiday. Lusi found this behaviour very frustrating as she had four children including a set of twins, a full-time job and a husband who demanded as much attention as the twins. The family lived in a huge double-storied house which had to be cleaned daily. One of the things that used to infuriate Lusi was when housemaids would break crockery particularly her French crystal. It was not uncommon for her to recover the cost of the glasses from the housemaids’ salaries, in addition to the loud scolding that would accompany that punishment.
Lusi needed to learn to put herself in her housemaids’ shoes; and appreciate that the maids had not been just playing ball with her crockery. After all, she and the twins had ever broken a few glasses without intending to. Lusi needed to realise that breaking a glass was an accident that could be made by any mortal human being. That way, she would have been able to retain a housemaid for years.
Putting yourself in the shoes of your offenders will open your eyes, not only to understand why people behave the way they do, but also to appreciate that should you have been in their place, you probably could have reacted the same way they did. This will enable you to be kind and compassionate when judging others. In fact, psychologists have found that people who can successfully ‘wear the shoes’ of their offenders are more likely to forgive, compared to those who lack empathy.
Therefore, learn to put yourself in the place of your offender. When you admit that you have several weaknesses, it becomes easier for you to build tolerance for offences committed against you. Once it finally dawns on you that your annoyers are people and not robots, you will find it much easier to forgive them.
At the end of this discussion, Birungi interjected; “What I see here is that, had I taken care to prevent myself from becoming bitter, unforgiveness would never have been an option”, she said; convinced that unforgiveness was preventable.
How about you? Do you know that you can actually, condition your mind to say ‘no’ to unforgiveness irrespective of what magnitude of offences you encounter? Hopefully, you will determine to never allow seeds of unforgiveness to be sown in you ever again; and refrain from giving room for unforgiveness to flourish anywhere in the compartments of your mind; now, and in future.