Do not Work yourself up against ‘the System’

Have you ever come across people who are so embittered against a country?  It is common for them to resort to cursing politicians and others, blaming them each time there is a mishap.  There is nothing wrong with expressing yourself against a country’s system, in case you are displeased with what is happening.  In fact, it is a citizen’s right to do so.  But when it propels you to be so stuffed up with resentment, then you have something else going. 

Therefore, know that dispensing your energy through complaints can be fruitless, as your ramblings may not yield a meaningful change for you and others in your environment.  You may be better off converting your dissatisfaction into positive energy by engaging in some productive efforts that will benefit your community.

Do Not Be a Stranger to Yourself

The problem that a woman named Nassimbwa had, was that she did not know ‘herself’.  If she had been at grips with ‘who she really was’, she would not have been a dumping ground for bitterness and unforgiveness.

Nassimbwa was one of those people who required that a person stocks up a lot of emotional energy before visiting her.  For starters, she had an ever-growing list of people she loathed with a passion.  As if that was not enough, she would always have stories to relate regarding how ‘this or that person’ had annoyed her.  Surprisingly, the culprits often included her so-called best friends.  “I will never forget that person”, was a common phrase that would crown her bitter-filled conversations.  No wonder, only a few friends ever braved to drop by her place.  For it would not take long before they would discover that she was a manipulator who always wanted to have her way; selfish and hardly ever ready to see any other person’s perspective.  As you may have guessed, Nassimbwa never kept her friends for long; since there was a constant exodus of people from her list of ‘those she liked’ to ‘those she did not like’.  Yet, had she taken the initiative to assess herself objectively, she would have enjoyed her ‘old-is-gold’ friends.  But as we speak, she is a loner, as all her friends ‘fell short of her glory’! 

People who do not understand their own personalities are prone to becoming ‘unforgivers’.  It is common for them to wonder why on earth they are being misunderstood; complaining that others do not see their point of view.  This, in itself, breeds bitterness which, as you know, is a fruit of unforgiveness.  As the saying goes, ‘charity begins at home’, with you learning about your tendencies before expecting others to understand you. 

Therefore, take the initiative to study your personality.  In other words, know ‘what you are made of’.  Identify which kinds of offences are likely to hurt you and how you are likely to react if provoked.  Remember, what irritates you may not irritate other people; things that hurt you deeply may be considered lightly by others; and, a simple matter to some may be very serious to you.  Know your tolerance levels.  That way, you will be better positioned to ‘rein in’ your emotions should you encounter any potentially upsetting situations, people or behaviours.  Keep watch over your feelings.  And, should you discover traces of resentment in you, think back to what could have triggered those sensations.  Knowing these triggers is fundamental, since you can then take cautious preventive measures not to over-react next time you encounter similar offensive circumstances.  In other words, learn to do a soul search regularly, instead of being a stranger to yourself.  Since your heart stores the issues of your life; a soul search gives your heart the opportunity to reveal to you information regarding who you are, where you are at and any other data regarding ‘you’.  Therefore, it is important that you learn to set some time aside (quiet time) to specifically listen to what your ‘heart’ has to say to you.

Take Stock of your Feelings

Fezile ended up breeding unforgiveness as she did not know the wisdom of monitoring her feelings, and how such a ritual would help a person not to hoard bitter feelings against people.  Fezile was working in an office where internal politics was the order of the day.  Being the secretary to the Chief Executive, it was common for Fezile to get caught in the middle of ‘office wrangles’.  And whenever she needed a touch of happiness and relief from the hurt, pain and frustrations suffered at work, she would resort to junk food.  Unfortunately, that pleasure was very temporary, as it would all disappear the following morning after stepping on her weighing scale and discovering that her recent care-free feastings had made her heavier instead.   

Therefore, learn to monitor your emotions frequently and objectively; so that they do hurl you into reactions that would compromise your future happiness.  Such a diligent search of your heart is crucial, as it deals with the seeds of bitterness promptly, thereby thwarting any traces of unforgiveness before they take root.     

Learn your Lessons

Before Kusanira discovered the secret of ‘learning his lessons’, the manager used to get repeatedly irritated by the behaviour of one of his supervisees, Sulemani; a thing which made Kusanira carry the heavy baggage of unforgiveness ‘to and fro’ for a time.  The manager narrates how Sulemani would never greet him even when they met in corridors; and how Kusanira, being good-mannered, had no option but to greet Sulemani, always.  “The guy’s unwelcoming facial expressions would consistently propel me to refrain from greeting him from thence forward”, the manager reveals.  However, it was not until Kusanira decided to get used to Sulemani’s behaviour and to ignore it, that he (Kusanira) got some relief.  The manager realised that he had a standard to maintain; thereby enduring to greet Sulemani politely irrespective of the subordinate’s rude behaviour.  “You know, had I followed my emotions and not greeted the guy, bystanders would never have known the difference between him and I”, he points out.  Kusanira could have allowed Sulemani’s behaviour to destroy his integrity, but instead, Sulemani’s consistently bad attitude contributed towards building the manager’s character.

Sometimes, people may irritate you so repeatedly that you can almost predict what they are just about to do or say.  Others may go as far as making it their business to offend you on purpose, just to get a kick out of seeing you vent out your fury or break down in tears.  Learn their behaviour.  Observe them and believe what you see.  Once you size them up; it can never be wisdom if you then allow their actions to inflict the same emotional pain each time.  You are better off learning their mannerisms.  This will make it easier for you to ignore their annoyances; and to adjust your expectations to a degree where their provocations do not shock you any longer.